I’m lying on the seat, the hard padded psycho seat as I like to call it.
Actually, that’s a bit harsh, I maybe shouldn’t call it that. But it is what it is anyway. I’m here yet again for another session.
“So, Vertigo. How have you been since your last session?”
She asks me this every time but I’m never sure how to react, what to say, anything really so I just let out a big sigh and she just stares out at me as I do.
“Well, same old really isn’t it.”
I decided to reply back, however that was a total lie. I was seriously struggling at the moment.
“You say this each time you walk through those doors and sit down.”
“Erm, no I’m lying. Not sitting.”
I loved a snappy comeback. She never bit back though, don’t think she knows how.
“I’ve seen you in the news since last time.”
I just laughed.
“What for this time? School bus, that hospital or….”
She cut me off short, a bit rude I thought.
“No, you know what it was for. That big battle.”
She loves to get quick to the mark and discuss my fun little struggle with reality.
“In fact, your costumes looking a bit torn. Was that from last time.”
She’s eager today.
“Vertigo, sorry can I just have your name. It never leaves this room.”
I laughed again and shook my head. What kind of a question is that, can I have your name, Erm nope you can’t.
“You know the answer to that one Doc so quit asking.”
She nodded and crossed her legs.
“Well, am I going to get anything out of you since last time? Or is this another one of your…”
It’s my turn to cut her off.
“What do ya wanna hear about? Hmm? How about two weeks ago when I stopped the classic caper, those robbers on 49th Street who stupidly thought 2018 was a good year to rob a bank?”
She nodded, knew that would reel her in and get her off the subject at hand.
“Saw that in the news. Nice work by the way, it was a weird one, 2018 bank robbers.”
Think I’ve got her now. Let’s waste my session talking about this then.
“But no. You know what we need to talk about.”
Well, that backfired then.
“Look. Just no. I’m not talking about him, what happened or any of it.”
I wasn’t giving in. Wasn’t budging in the answers. I just couldn’t, I wasn’t ready to talk about it.
“You said he killed your parents. That right? That was let me see, early sessions I think.”
Right on the mark.
“I also remember you saying that’s part of the source of your powers, am I right?”
And you just lost your gold star lady.
“No, and you know that’s wrong about my powers.”
She had me, she said that for a reason. Just because I wouldn’t let him have credit for what happened to me.
“So, come on. You’re here for a reason, you do this each week and you know you don’t have to come here.”
But I sort of do, in a way it helps.
“Because I know at the end of the day, you want to be here.”
That’s it, I’m don’t keeping quiet.
“Look, I lost it. He’s back, I beat him 3 years ago and I don’t know what to do, I have no idea and I’m so worried, what if I can’t do it again.”
Wow, that was a load of my chest.
“And what if, what if he comes back. Causes more damage, more pain. More misery.”
At this point I don’t know what to say but, it got to me. A tear started rolling down my face.
“How did he even come back?”
Now she got what she wanted.
“How did that feel? How was it to let all that go, get it off your…”
I agreed with her, well done to her, props she managed to get me to open up. Maybe it was built up rage towards him, my fear overtaking or maybe she’s just good at what she does.
Nah, scratch that last one.
“Yeah, suppose it helped.”
“Don’t be afraid to open up. Even a hero needs to unmask his feelings.”
She always knew what to say but it never ended there.
“So, what have you been feeling about this situation at the moment?”
“Well, besides the overwhelming disappointment and feeling of defeat each and every time, a torn up costume and who knows what else happening. I feel just about peachy.”
He started muttering.
“I used to amaze and astonish people. Not anymore.”
She didn’t like that answer and she couldn’t quite hear the second response, because she did that thing where she moves forward if I said something I shouldn’t.
“And you’ve gone straight back to making jokes.”
I liked it, it helped me being the joke, never take anything serious kind of guy.
“Hey, that’s me. Open up one second, make jokes the moment after.”
Her face clearly wanted answers, serious ones that was. I noticed the window was open and a fraught was coming in as a chill went down my spine.
“Right then. Serious. I can do serious. What was the question again?”
“I asked how you were feeling, about what’s been going on, what you’ve been going through.”
“Right, that yeah. No jokes, all serious.”
I sat up for this. I was being serious, no jokes.
“Ok then. How do I feel. I’m scared, like terrified and I’ve never felt like this before.”
And here we went.
“But doesn’t that come natural for a hero?”
Surprisingly it didn’t always. You get cocky, some situation, in fact most just think they can take anything on. It’s a cocky/confidence thing.
“Nope, not always. But with this, I’m scared at the moment. What if I can’t protect those I love, what if I can’t protect myself. What if, what if. Look, I’m struggling with reality, reality being where I beat him and I don’t know what to do.”
I always gave great answers….like half the time. But, it was all true. I was super scared.
“This is what you need then Vertigo. This will help, these sessions make you see what’s going on, the support, the…..”
I was rude, I held a finger in the air as if to sush her when I shouldn’t have done that, even I realised that.
“Somethings happening in downtown, I have to go.”
Ahhh, saved by the screaming inferno happening downtown. Obviously, not great for the people in the building but time to go save them. With that note the window which was open, I climbed out of it and disappeared into the night.