I’d sit there everyday, the same spot. It was always free, reason being it was the entrance to the train stop, so therefore the going in and out, constant swinging motion of the door meant you’d never be warm, more or less cold consistently but I didn’t mind. The reason being was, I got to see the passers by.
That old man who’d slowly come on, walking stick in hand and a face that had traveled thousands of miles but didn’t want to tell any tales. The business woman, phone in hand, nudging the door open by her shoulder and elbow whilst texting, maybe emailing, maybe just on Facebook, who knows. I prefer to believe the latter.
Then you have the other kids from school, the big guys bustling in throwing round a ball as if they had nothing better to do. The typical girls tip toeing in phone in hand, again maybe texting, maybe something else, with those groups I really don’t know what would be happening.
You see, I observed and saw a lot, but one thing I always wanted to make sure I could see was this one girl. She’d trail in about 8.15am, about 5-minutes just before the bus to school would arrive and she’d be rushing around as if she’d missed it each and every time without flaw.
I liked her, but I don’t know if she liked me, in fact, I don’t even know if she knew I existed. She was in my science class, now, I wasn’t exactly the coolest guy in school, in fact mark me out of the 1267 kids in my school and out of those I’d definitely be in the close 999 area, not quite the 1000, but maybe I was.
So, yeah, science class. Her name was Emily, she had long brunette hair with a small golden pin at the side, also she’d tie it up, just before we’d do any experiments, into this cute bun each time. I actually sat right behind her in class, and also she borrowed my pen once. I didn’t get it back.
Right, where was I, yeah, I liked her, she didn’t know me, maybe she knew of me, or hopefully recognised my face but I wanted to get to know her, who she was, what she liked, maybe take her for food, did she like Italian, or maybe a steakhouse? All these questions, but I just needed answers.
I felt a warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach, the kind you get when you know somethings coming, maybe good or bad, that nervous sickness you sometimes might feel before, during or even after a test. That panic you get stung by when you know you’ve done something you really shouldn’t have like stay out at a friends and worry your parents, and you’re parents find out and shout you down from your room, yeah sorry about that dad.
I could feel it.
Reason being, I was going to speak to her, to Emily. Do I start with a hi, no hey, maybe hello, too formal? A wave, too much? All these ideas, thoughts passing through my head in what feels like forever but when I turn my head round and see her it’s just been a single moment, and every time I look at her, it’s a moment I want to last forever.
I wasn’t just going to speak to her for the first time, well then again there was that one time she asked to borrow my pen and I said yeah, sure, here you go. That was sort of the end, so not exactly a full blown conversation. I was in fact, instead, going to ask her out, not jump in and be like do you want to be my girlfriend, maybe I’ll be you’re boyfriend, bluh, that sounds stupid and horrible rolled in one.
No, I was going to ask her for dinner, stay classy, maybe I’ll get a better answer then.
At that moment, I conjured up the courage, the strength to stand up and go speak to Emily, but just as I turned round, stood on my dizzy feeling liquid feet, I saw him, the guy, how’d I not known. One of the ball guys from earlier, walks over hugs her and kisses her, also taking her books from her hand to carry.
I just slumped back in my chair, I don’t know what to say anymore.
Then, the train pulled in and it was time to go.