One moment your right up high, touching the clouds almost as the love carries you forward, then, a split second, that all takes the dip and comes crashing down like a rollercoaster as you hit the ground.
Decisions are tough, and the outcomes are most definitely worse.
Let me take you back to 99′ high school, my last year. I was ready to become an adult, well, not really but everyone wanted to presume I was.
Anyway, this girl I liked, beautiful, Beth was her name. Long brunette hair, about my height, she was perfect. She liked everything I liked, did the same classes as me, we pretty much saw each other all the time, I mean our lockers were right next to each other.
One slight problem, we could never be together, like ever. She was my best friend.
Cut to Jules, she was my girlfriend of about 8, maybe 9 months. Yeah, 9. We kind of saw the future together, well she did. I didn’t know what I wanted, and things were coming at me fast.
My best friend Beth and I, well we were falling in love. We couldn’t do anything about it, couldn’t let anyone else know. He’ll, we didn’t even let each other know. We never talked about it, or even showed that the other knew.
We had the potential to be great, amazing together and have something, but high school came and went, we moved on to college and things became distant.
We still spoke, still talked and met up now and again, every few months. Against Jess’ wishes of course, oh yeah she came to the same college as well.
I remember every time meeting Beth, our eyes meeting, running towards each other and her diving into my arms. It was amazing, that warmth feeling, the immortality of our love. It transcended space and time.
One day, final year of college she came to visit, only problem was, she brought a guy. This tall looking dude, a few years older, had a cool job. Can I point out, was nothing like me.
We didn’t gaze into each other’s eyes that time, we didn’t run and jump into each other’s arms. It was more formal, this is the dude who I’m with, I said hey, he said hey, we shook hands, that was about it. We were quiet that day, not a lot more really said to one another, he did most of the talking. Was this how she felt around me and Jess?
A few years past, we’d see each other now and again, not as often as we wanted, as I wanted. We both got married, went to each other’s of course as well, moved on into true adulthood as well of course and became old people. I mean, I’m talking in our early thirties, but still.
It was high school reunion, that weird scenario where you want to go to just see how better you’ve done than others but also don’t want to go in case everyone’s done better than you of course.
Jess made me go, she was excited, wanted to see everyone, not Beth of course. She liked the idea we talked less and less over the years. Heck, I didn’t even know if Beth was going. W hadn’t seen each other in just over a year, hasn’t spoke in two months.
We went, everyone was there. Some were drunk already sipping whiskey out of a flask. Cliche I know. Others showing off their wedding photos, pictures of their kids, pictures of their dogs. I was there just like, whatever.
When I saw her turn up, the room froze like one of those 80’s movies. The lights dimmed down, the pinks and reds pointing on her. Smoke came out the door and she looked beautiful.
Then the music in my head cut and the dude walked into shot, damn.
I tried to avoid her, this all felt awkward. Seeing each other in the place we fell in love. No way. But you can’t avoid everyone.
She caught me, at the drinks, grabbing some punch spiked by Marco Delaware, he never really grew up. It hit hard.
I got a tap on the shoulder, I turned round and like a magnet we hugged one another and smiled. Just like I remembered.
We got to talking, an hour, maybe two. We were back at our lockers, thinking back at 99′ like it was yesterday. I still have no idea where Jess got to, or even Beth’s dude either. The time just passed us by, catching up, staring at each other’s eyes. Those deep blues of hers.
Then it happened, the first time ever. We kissed. It was sudden but felt like it had waited a lifetime and it was if we were frozen in place forever.
As we pulled away, we looked into each other’s eyes. Leaning against our old lockers. Our time together over the years flashing before our eyes.
We both said it in the same moment, “I love you.”
I now knew what I wanted.