The thud through my chest, pounding away beat by beat.
My urge to do this, to possibly look like an idiot in the middle of New York, in it’s heart just to play out my very own hearts desire. It was a risk I was willing to take.
The rain poured down, beating in a downpour like no other, it even felt, looked like a Hollywood movie, one better, like an 80’s Hollywood movie, like a John Hughes movie.
First I ran towards the subway, skipping down the stairs almost falling as I did three at a time, not a wise move. This was where we’d first met, bumping into each other as we’d both ran to not miss it, with a. Thud landing on the platform and bursting into laughter.
I smiled as the carriage started moving forward, my reflection peering back with her stood beside me.
The doors sprinted open and my run started again, speeding through the turnstiles and back up the stairs as the rain slithered back into my life once more.
I just dodged a taxi sliding through some lights as I tried to cross, a narrow demise I almost had, but the thunder in my footstep still flourished.
I was now just a block away, swinging past the restaurant we first went to, that was the third time we met, second was a quick coffee after we’d bumped into each other.
Since then we’d had our ups and downs, my mind swinging through these thoughts as I became more and more drenched in the wetness. Memories flowing by me, the mistakes we’d made, the ones I’d made, almost letting her get away, almost having her leave to LA for work, but this was me, my moment to stop her and scream how much I loved her.
I took a final swing round the last apartment building then there it was, her place. Five floors up, just low enough for her to hear me if I shouted, just low enough for her to see the little spec of me on the ground.
Finally I arrive.
A deep breath as I approach the door, scanning my finger across the buzzers, finding hers and with a hard push let it ring out. No answer. I rinse and repeat, but nothing.
I take a few steps back, down the stairs and look up at her window, the lights are on, dimly lit but on.
“Sarah!” I shout at least three times.
Finally the window lifts, revealing her hanging out but just enough to not be sprinkled on by the rain.
“What are you doing? It’s pouring out.” She says, looking at me stupidly.
“I’m here to say one thing, just one.” I shouted, raising one finger to really drill it in.
She now sits on her window frame, partly hanging out so she can hear me.
“Problem is Sarah, we’re all going to die!” I shouted.
“Kind of a weird thing to come all this way just to say isn’t it?” She replies.
“I’m not finished. Problem is, we’re all going to die. Within that time, how many people really find their soul mate? Like really?” I take a deep breath for the next part, “I love you. I’m standing here, in New York shouting I LOVE YOU SARAH. I love you and I don’t want you to leave to go to LA. I want you to stay here, with me.”
This was now the longest pause and silence I’d had, all I could hear was the beating of the rain. Each single drop as if the world around me slowed down to dramatic effect.
If I could see myself now, visualise this moment and how Hollywood 80’s style it must have looked, shouting up at her, in the pouring rain, almost like a music video, heck all I needed was a boom box to hold up and play her favourite song.
Then it hit me.
“We’ve talked about this, this is why we broke up. I’m going to LA, you want to stay in New York. It won’t work. OK.” She started to pull the window back down again, before pausing just before fully closing it. “I love you, but thats the problem, we’re all going to die and we can’t waste any moment of it.”
And that was it, the window was closed.
It took a moment or two to sink in, gazing up at the window, the curtains now drawn and me not quite knowing where life might take me next. So, I sat down, on the kerb staring down in the thick puddle at my reflection and the image of her next to me had gone.
But the heavens opened, and a ray of light beamed down shifting the pouring rain.
This wasn’t the end.