The music was load, somewhat energetic in the background but it felt distant, unattached and unequal to anything I felt.
Sitting on the balcony, staring out at the New York vista, flashing lights early of crimson and burnt orange in the night sky. Lighting up the world below, the faces below staring in awe and wonder.
Well, they aren’t staring at me in awe and wonder.
I check the time, 10-minutes to go, yet I’ve been out here, sat out here for over an hour in the cold. No notice of me at all.
Invisible is the word I’d use, unnoticed by the outer world, barely even by my inner world. Sometimes the reflection doesn’t pay me a glance back.
Another crackle in the sky, an explosion over there and it makes me think, nobody would even notice. Viewing the ground below, the belly of the New York beast. Would I hit the cold slab or fade straight through to the burning ocean beneath?
These thoughts that dwindled through my mind, concerning but care was the cure and I didn’t have any from anybody.
I turned to look behind, through the glass doors of the balcony, frigid in my mindscape and to where I was. Hands gripping the banister more securely whilst my mind was saying be loose.
Above I see a twinkle, nothing more than a firework at first but then I realise, it’s a star, shooting across the night sky. Darting through with not a care in the world and I just stare at it in wonder.
I hear them shout, more flashes, early fireworks.
What am I doing, staring at the star filtering off in the distance.
The view below, deep and bold but not for me.
I can’t breath as I fall back off the balcony edge I was sat on, falling back onto the balcony on the hard concrete and seeing all the beautiful explosions in the sky.
The roar of cheering, Happy New Year, the emotions and happiness rejuvenating.
It was a new year, and the feeling of begin again, starting over struck me sternly.
What had I been thinking.
It was time for a new start.